So he read my blogs... | kiragirl79's Blog

Well, my boyfriend read my blogs and I guess that I upset him. We just don't see things the same way. He doesn't think that marriage will help me to feel that he loves me and feels that my self esteem is the problem. Maybe he is right. I do feel like a fat, worthless piece of shit most of the time. I am tainted, emotionally unstable, moody, and unattractive in my eyes. I have a hard time seeing anything good in myself. Most of the time I wish that I could be someone else and feel like I am completely unlovable. I wish that it wasn't so because all I really want is to be loved and to feel loved, but I don't know how.

I know that he is going through alot right now and that I am not making things easier on him. I honestly feel like he will not be happy until he goes back to Switzerland and I feel that me and Kali are the only things keeping him here. I feel really guilty about this because the only thing that I want is for him to be truly happy. Unfortunately nothing that I do can bring him the happiness that he deserves.