A good long talk.... | kiragirl79's Blog

So last night me and my bf had our talk and no we did not break up and yes he is still moving to iowa with me. I ended up going to visit my friend derrick prior to having the discussion which I think was a good move. It was nice to visit an old friend and also to talk about things that are going on to someone who is not involved. He is going through some things right now too, so it was nice to give and receive advice and not feel like I was just burdening him with my problems. He really surprised me last night. I told him that I will probably be moving to Iowa and he actually cried, not like boohoo or anything, but he did have a few tears. It was nice to know that I have a friend that cares that much about me. Most of the time I walk around feeling friendless since my life is consumed by work, my daughter, and my bf. It was also nice to spend a little time away from my bf. I love him to death, but just like he needs time for himself and his friends, I need the same. I think that has been something that has been missing for a long time that is so important to my happiness.

The talk went well. My bf assured me that he does love me and that he does have hopes and dreams for our future. I don't want to get married today or have a baby today, bc I know that the time is not right. There are too many other things that we need to be worried about right now anyway. I guess I just needed confirmation that he really does care for me and that this is a possibility in the future. My dream is to have a family one day and apparently that is a dream that we share in common. There are just certain things that have to happen in order for us to take that really big step. For now, we will take the next step, which is a big one...moving to Iowa and hopefully we will continue to be happy with each other. I know that I love him and that relationships take work and effort, so I am willing to do what it takes to make things work. This said, hopefully one day my dream will come true.

We also talked somewhat about things that have been bothering him. I told him that he needs to start opening up to me more when things are bothering him. When he doesn't, I can usually tell that something is wrong and I automatically assume that it is something to do with me. Apparently his issues have nothing to do with me, but I told him that he is going to have to open up to me and talk about things. I know that he is not a big talker, but communication is key in a relationship. If he wants to be serious with me, he is going to have to open up. It is like I told him, alot of times I don't want to tell him what is bothering me, but I do, so he owes me the same courtesy. I hope that he will really understand how important this is and really follow through. I feel like that is another major problem in our relationship that needs to be resolved.

So...the conversation was very positive and I am having a renewed feeling of hope. He told me that he has not thought about moving back to switzerland in a long time. This was a big relief to me and I think that it is demonstrative of the fact that he really does love me and maybe really does have hopes about a future with me. For now, I am just going to take things one day at a time and try to get prepared for our big move. This really is a huge step in our relationship and I hope for only the best.

After we had our discussion, a few of our neighbors came down and hung out. We just hung out and talked but it was great to do something different for a change and also to have some company. Things have gotten so routine in our household, so it was nice to have something to break up the monotony.

Anyhow...today I go back to the pdoc. I am going to discuss upping my meds. I did take 150 mg of effexor yesterday and it seemed to help with the crying spells that I was having at work. I also think that maybe the abilify needs to be increased or another med may need to be added to help with the hypomania since I went through a spell last week. We will see what he says.

So...all in all I am feeling more hopeful and confident about the future. Hopefully today will continue to be a great day!